My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
PANTIES FOUND
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
