Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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