stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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