i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
