Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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