update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
