my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
high people should be assigned attendants
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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