He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
