Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
