They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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