Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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