Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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