i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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