I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
