Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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