i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
