I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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