At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
