you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
