This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
