if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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