I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
