Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
