she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had to cum in my sink.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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