Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
