I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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