dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
