living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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