Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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