More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We are two peas in an std pod
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
