I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
