she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
