The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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