I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
