My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
