my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
