she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
