Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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