Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
