Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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