the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
