You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We had sex on a dog bed..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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