Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
