They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
