Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
