Say something about gay babies.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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