Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
