Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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