went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
