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Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
