seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
