you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
