How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
