I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
