You made me cry and you don't even care
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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