Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
