I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
