know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
