It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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