i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
