bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
