i was born a porn star she said
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
