Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
