So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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