I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
