mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
