I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
