Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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